Last December, my friend proposed. Contrary to the standard timeline advice, us picked a wedding day just six months in the future.

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A totality Year?!

Last December, mine boyfriend, Tyler, surprised me with a gorgeous ring attach by an even an ext beautiful proposal. We were overjoyed, we were in love . . . Us were engaged! once I asked Tyler once he would favor to gain married, he comment with, "How around tomorrow?"


While his enthusiasm to be endearing, due to the fact that we didn't setup to elope, the was entirely impractical. However, after ~ taking right into account our schedule (we both work in politics, so any type of time leading as much as or automatically following election Day in November was a no-go) and various various other factors, we came to the conclusion that we were staring under the barrel of two extremes: either us were going to have actually a very short engagement and get married in late feather or beforehand summer of the year, or us would have to wait till the following spring/summer.


The decision to be a no-brainer: We set the date for June 14 of this year, and also we started to spread out the news.

With Christmas just approximately the corner, I got dozens the wedding-themed gifts. One certain gift that i was exceptionally excited to get was The Knot's Ultimate Wedding plan Guide. I immediately flipped to their checklist to begin to take it in all of the tasks I would certainly be completing over the following six months—only to be slapped in the challenge by their suggested timeline:

One. Year.


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The Facts

A year?! That's twice as long as i had given myself to do this! Surely that can't it is in the case that world need a complete year to plan the wedding the their desires . . . Right?

According come an infographic indigenous Wedding paper Divas, 40% that couples are engaged for 13-18 months before they say "I do."

I just turned 25. Mine friends are at period where I'm starting to see images of bling top top left hands appear more often on my on facebook feed than college keggers (some might say "sad," but it's true). That being said, when I started to think around this startle figure, I started realizing the for as countless diamonds together I had seen popular music up over the critical year, I had actually seen significantly fewer invitations to or images from yes, really weddings. ~ conducting a highly scientific study that my very own Facebook friends, i realized that i was, in fact, in the minority . . . In a huge way.


Many of my friends had been (or would certainly be, by the moment of your pending nuptials) involved for well over a year.


My best friend has already been engaged for end a year and will no walk down the aisle until spring the 2015. This is because of the truth that she is, appropriate now, finishing she last year of legislation school, will certainly be acquisition the bar exam this July, and also had to press her date ago in order come secure the ceremony website of she choice.

These room all valid factors for a long engagement. However, in ~ the danger of being a little bit controversial, I'm going to lay out some factors I don't think about quite as valid, and also my debates for why you must reconsider if you're basing your timeline on any of them.


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Myth #1: I simply Won't Have enough Time!

This very first section may seem broad, but I think this preoccupation itself is broad. Couples concern that they won't have time to obtain "things" done, yet I fear that this concern is based greatly on assumptions and also not yes, really facts. In reality, there are very few things that in reality take a lot of time come do. It's all around organization.

I understand that as soon as I was planning mine wedding, I regularly felt rushed and worried that ns would never ever have enough time to gain everything achieved . . . However guess what? i did- and I didn't have to provide up my day job to do it!


There are, undoubtedly, some points that will take time, and also will only finish up costing you an ext money if you need to rush them. However, these things are few and far between, and in nearly no instance can they not be manipulated come fit a shorter time frame.

Securing the venue girlfriend want might be your biggest concern, if you think/know the it is a popular location and may be booked solid because that months or even years to come. This can be encountered . . . But an ext on the later.

Even if you room planning on DIYing numerous of the décor for your wedding, v willing bridesmaids all set to pitch in and also help, you're only looking at a couple of weekend sessions of work-related if you stay on task.


Once you choose and secure her venue (both ceremony and reception, if different), publication your vendors, and get her invitations addressed and sent on their way, there yes, really is nothing left to carry out minus the little details. If you're organized and practical, the bulk of the planning have the right to be done in a very short amount the time. Ns did mine in much less than four months for a wedding that is being thrown across the nation (back house in brand-new York while ns am life in Billings, Montana) because that 250+ guests.


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Myth #2: I recognize I'll require Time to find the PERFECT Dress!

Along the exact same lines together the as whole "time myth," numerous brides issue that they'll be indecisive when it comes to picking a dress, or the they'll just need plenty of time to ensure the the dress is truly the dress.

To countless brides, the wedding dress is one of—if no the—most important elements of the whole wedding. Tiny girls dream of silk couture and also grow up with the resilience and determination to search high and low till they uncover the perfect dress.


There are two vital distinctions to make here. The first is to take into consideration exactly just how long it will take to have actually the dress made (or changed if you are buying off the rack). The second is just how long it will certainly take friend to actually find the dress.

The first part the this equation is relatively straightforward, and also most bridal salons stick with this same general principle: Anything within of the six-month mark is taken into consideration a "rush" order. When I walked right into Kleinfeld's in new York to uncover my dress, mine intake paper was already stamped with the red rush stamp of doom—and the six-month mark had actually only happen a week prior to my appointment. The specialists take it seriously, but they will job-related with you. Keep that in mind.

Now onto part two.


Being involved is all around commitment, right? I understand I run the danger of getting some push-back here, yet stay v me because I think the my suggest is vital one come make.

Finding the love of your life is an impressive thing. It way that you are committed come spending the rest of her life v that person, because they make you better when you space with them 보다 you are once you're on your own. Right? it does not, however, mean that ~ above the whole planet, there is no anyone else who can ever do you happy. Of course, you are marrying this person since you believe that they room the ideal of the best, yet think of the this way: there are civilization who obtain divorced and also later remarried, and also there room couples who find each other later on in life after shedding their first spouse, and also they discover happiness again.


My point here is not to be cynical, but to encourage brides come look at dress shopping in a comparable way. When you fall in love with your dress, stop looking. You discovered the human being you desire to invest the rest of your life with, so friend take down your eHarmony profile, right? You prevent looking. You've discovered the ideal one.

After years of watching means too countless bridal shows, and listening to friends' bridesmaid fear stories, reportedly there is an epidemic—nay, pandemic—of women who were able come commit to spending the remainder of their stays with an additional human being, however cannot seem to commit come a piece of fabric.


There are thousands of thousands that wedding dresses out there because that you to pick from. There will constantly be other beautiful costume out there, yet when you're lucky enough to find one that makes you feeling amazing, do yourself a favor and lock that down. You dropped in love with and also committed yourself to her fiancé . . . Also though Ryan Gosling is still out there. Use the same logic to your dress: you must commit to the dress that makes you feel favor the beautiful bride that you want to be, also though Vera Wang will certainly still it is in making dresses (hopefully) for many years come come.


If you execute your research (which, through sites prefer Pinterest currently is for this reason painfully straightforward it's not even funny) and also are prepared for your bridal appointment, you will uncover a dress. You perform not require to have actually a year-long engagement so that you have actually time to find the perfect dress. Bridal appointments are usually booked because that no more than one hour or two. Simply how plenty of appointments perform you expect to have? Look in ~ pictures. View what catches your eye. Do an meeting and try on similar dresses. If that format doesn't work-related on your body type, ask her consultant for recommendations. This is what they do every solitary day—they're the experts! recognize what kind of accoutrements friend like, ie: beading, "bling," etc., and what girlfriend would never ever dream the having.


If friend anticipate that you will be indecisive, set aside one whole weekend, and make 3 appointments in ~ three different stores. Choose big stores with countless many designers. If you important take the moment to prepare, also the most indecisive bride will discover a dress, and I guarantee, it will certainly not take you a year.


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Myth #3: We require Time to save Up enough Money for the Wedding of our Dreams!

This following section may come off together harsh come some, yet it's only meant come be tough love. It's likewise a sheep of reality that I rather wish ns had thought about when to plan my very own special day.

Money and also budgeting concerns are front and center during any type of wedding to plan process. Whether you're lucky sufficient to have your parents or another family member offer to aid you pay for the wedding, or if you and your fiancé room taking ~ above the financial load yourselves, there are considerations that plenty of couples don't completely explore before diving right into planning.

It's all around the money. It always is, similar to everything rather in life. Whatever has a price tag, and also even despite you may think the price the renting that castle in Scotland is totes unreasonable, it's no going come change. Also weddings with the most extravagant budgets have to compromise, adjust, and sacrifice parts of their initial "vision."


I'd prefer to digress for simply a moment. Running the risk, however again, of sounding like a horrible human being who does not love weddings and also all things romantic and wonderful, I'm walking to offer brides a item of advice that ns wish someone had provided me... If only just to consider.


I to be lucky enough that mine parents space paying for my wedding. Now that we're less than two months out, all of the to plan is essentially done, and also I know this will certainly be the wedding of my dreams, and I might not be an ext grateful because that this extraordinary gift my parental have provided my fiancé and also me. However, recently, I've been compelled to think around all that the prices that automatically follow the wedding, and how they are truly the points that begin to shape your marriage.

Though the is without doubt special, your wedding day really is just that: One, single day.

It is a celebration event of her life and your future together, however it doesn't determine exactly how happy or effective your life will certainly be from that suggest moving forward.

If you space receiving assist from household to pay because that the wedding, would it perhaps be also better, once you determine a budget, to give thanks to your parents for your generosity, and propose that, rather of spending every one of the money ~ above one night, you could take a specific amount out, set it aside, and put it in the direction of a down payment on a house? Or begin a savings account in both of her names? simply a thought...


Getting ago to our original conflict...

If friend have decided that you should wait much longer to have a wedding since you require time to conserve up more money to be able to afford the wedding of your dreams... Consider that because that a moment. Now, probably you're young, and maybe you're just out the school, and also maybe you have student loans, so girlfriend think you should take time to conserve up to litter a wedding.

Wouldn't the make much more sense to be saving for the remainder of her life? rather of working for one extra year come make enough money to pay for that one day, take into consideration throwing an incredible DIY wedding in her parents backyard, or in ~ the beach, invite her friends and also family to join you together you celebrate her love and also your commitment to each other, and also instead, take her hard-earned money and put it towards your future. Trust me, it may not seem like it now, yet it is worth it to have the money because that your following student loan payment since you sacrificed the photobooth at her wedding.


Myth #4: We require That Venue!

In short: no, you don't.

Some human being have emotional relations to specific locations; the attended college there, your parents to be married there, castle ate dinner there when when they were five and have dreamed of gaining married there ever since. That's all well and good, and also if it way that much to you, that i would never ever discourage you from including your name to the list and also waiting in line for your rotate at a specific venue.


However, if you simply dropped in love with the images on the website and also think the you must-must-must acquire married there, also if your next available date isn't till 2020, then I would encourage you come reconsider for a number of reasons.

First, if you have to wait that long for a opportunity to have your reception at a specific location, why would certainly you want to? Doesn't that average that everyone and also their cousin has been there, excellent it, and attended 4 weddings over there already? Every solitary wedding organized there may have been beautiful, but I assure you, it deserve to be just as beautiful somewhere else, and it will be fresh, and new, and uniquely you.

I understand that sometimes, as soon as you've had actually the idea because that a long time, you feel favor it's unfair the other world just happened to obtain engaged prior to you and they stole her idea. Ns can totally empathize through you there... Kind of. The only place I ever envisioned mine wedding to be at the new York publicly Library. I just thought it to be so nerdy-chic in a Belle type of way. Carrie Bradshaw and the very first Sex & the City movie damaged that dream for me. Even though little 5-year-old Amanda had dreamt up that wedding long before the principle of Carrie Bradshaw was ever before molded, that would only look choose I had duplicated her, so that plan was out.


Once you've made peace with the reality that your previous "dream" place may no be in the cards, open yourself up to every one of the amazing possibilities there are out there.

Obviously, there room thousands upon hundreds of banquet halls, country clubs, and restaurants that put on fabulous occasions every year, but if you want to gain married in the spring or summer, these are regularly booked up (because everyone is booking two years in advance!), therefore think outside the box. Find a location that is huge enough to accommodate your guests and also start making phone calls. There are countless places that have and also will hold private events, yet aren't necessarily known for act so. In fact, in my opinion, locations that have done events in the past, but maybe not countless weddings, can regularly be the best places to have actually yours! This way that they're acquainted with what it generally takes come host an occasion (seating, tables, food/catering, lighting, sound system, etc) but you will be among the very first to have actually your agree there. This is what Tyler and also I to be lucky enough to find. Ns am initially from new York and also when he very first came the end to visit me there, we toured the USS Intrepid—a WWII plane carrier the is now a floating museum, permanently docked in the Hudson river on the new York side. As soon as it came time for united state to uncover a venue, I called them, knowing that they had done corporate occasions in the past, and sure enough, they had actually my extremely popular day of June 14 available, and also we will be toasting our "I dos" at sunset top top the Hudson.


When It's Right, It's appropriate

Don't ever before let anyone (including bossy wedding timelines) phone call you that you require a particular amount of time to setup your wedding. If you space organized and also stay on top of your planning, everything can absolutely acquire done and you will certainly not need to settle for second best. Trust yourself, know yourself, and also take lull in the reality that that can be done.

Ciao!


Comments

Jessica on September 12, 2018:

This is an encouraging, yet not specifically realistic, article. My fiancé just proposed come me a week back exactly and also we have actually 10 months to shot and arrangement a wedding. I’ve spent the past 3 days scouring the internet for every type of to meet (barn, hotel, castle, house, etc.), and pretty lot without fail, nearly all are booked increase on a Friday or Saturday for Summer 2019. And yes, we need to have it in the summer because my household is indigenous the US and also most deserve to only make an international trip (to Ireland) in the summer months. We can’t get married in the claims for immigration reasons, yet even if we could, the same would it is in true for his household needing to make an global trip in summer. This has actually caused an insane lot of tension at a time once I great I can be just enjoying this brand-new phase of my relationship! I have no idea just how it will turn out, and of course the most essential thing to remember is that my fiancé and also I have each other for life, and the wedding day is truly just one day in a lifetime together...but that renders it simply as far-reaching as insignificant. Ns do already feel choose I’m goin to need to “settle” on a location that is tho available. Ns think it’s NUTS the people plan 2 year ahead, yet I still wish we’d gotten engaged sooner so that us weren’t left through dwindling options. I’d very suggest, when pointing out a future wedding prior to an actual proposal, making certain your male knows simply how much in advancement venues publication up, so no of girlfriend is captured by surprise.


Sharonlie17 on October 06, 2017:

Hi Amanda,

I really chosen your article!

It made me feel a lot far better because I had actually a sutuation quite similar to yours.

My then fiancé determined to gain married at the beginning of critical year ( january).

We absolutely had to execute it in my residence country since mother could not travel to Canada due to health problems.

As a matter, my whole extended family members had currently planned to be present ( after end 15 years) in my home nation the summer of the same year together it was my grandmother's great for all her kids to be present roughly her.

My husband and also I therefore, made decision to have the wedding at the very same time the the entirety family would certainly be reunited. This gave me around 6 months to organize ours wedding in my residence island in the indian ocean. That was very stressful specially through the distance and also time difference.

Even though I had the ability to make the in the end ( v the exemption of some minor issues), i was completely burnt out and most importantly, I could not thouroughly gain the process.

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There is a lot of wisdom and posivity in what you have written; however, i am wondering, would you no have preferred to have an ext time to organize your big day and also enjoy the whole organization process? since I mean, half of the fun is the preparation right? because afterall, it is claimed to it is in the best day in our resides .